There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just high enough for therapy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
