If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
