God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
