There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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