I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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