I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
