3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
