Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
