He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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