If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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