I smell stomach acid.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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