The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
