Where did you get a picture of my penis
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
