Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Randomize
