i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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