So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
