hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
