the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
