It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
