i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
