so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
