whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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