I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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