Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
