No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
