Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
