I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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