I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
