I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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