I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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