I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
