I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
