your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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