You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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