is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
