hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
