I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize