I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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