you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
