we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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