I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
