you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
