My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
