I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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