you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
