Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
