what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
