Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
