Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
