he wants to bone in the snuggie
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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