She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
