Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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