I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
