I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
