Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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