Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
