if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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