Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
