Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
