He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
