Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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