Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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