She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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