I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize