Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
