I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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