I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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