How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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