btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
