i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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