OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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