Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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