I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
