Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
