I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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