i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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