i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
