South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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