my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
