Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
