I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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