We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize