I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
