yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
