I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
