Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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