I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
