Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
