Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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